Introspecting on Michelle Obama’s conversation with college students
Last month, I was selected for the opportunity to participate in an exclusive live stream with Michelle Obama, moderated by Yara Shahidi, discussing her memoir Becoming with a panel of college-aged students.
I don’t often feel the need to share my reflections from webinars publicly, but it’s been about a month since the event and some very powerful thoughts keep coming back to me that I think are worth sharing.
Firstly, Yara Shahidi. It felt like I was watching my generation encapsulated in one person. She is essentially my age, and for the first time, I saw a moderator represent a lot of things that my generation has intentionally seeked to build in ourselves.
- She was moderating, but she wasn’t hesitant from sharing her thoughts.
- Her thoughts had evidence of due diligence — she genuinely thought about this before speaking.
- She was warm and soft, but assertive and self-assured. You don’t need to be mean to earn respect.
- There was a grace in how she assured that every student on the panel had a chance to speak and participate in their unique ways within the allotted 90 minutes.
- It was clear that she had taken the time to learn about each student on the panel and their questions beforehand.
If I had to summarize it, she demonstrated intentionality.
Dialogue is powerful, and those who have the capacity to build an equitable space for constructive dialogue will hold the reins to global-minded social change. I’ve had the chance to learn this through GSP and our training in facilitation, but to see it represented in this conversation gave me assurance that this is what we are going to do right as a generation. At least I hope I will.
Secondly, Michelle Obama, of course. She had some wonderful thoughts that have been etched in my mind. While these are paraphrased and aren’t direct quotes at all, they remain to be powerful thoughts.
On fear: The sense of smallness, stuckness, is sameness. More people feel that than you’d think. Some of us grew up in places where you needed fear to get through the day and keep you alive. But you must practice pushing through the precipice of fear. You’re going to feel it time and again — when you start college, take a hard exam, get a job, ask for a promotion, think about moving to a new country, or anything else. The feeling comes time and again, so you must practice what to do with that feeling. Recognize your hesitation. Don’t succumb to it, but reflect, analyze, talk about it. Give it life. If you keep fear hidden in your head it settles. Practice pushing through.
On imposter syndrome: Firstly, we’re not crazy for feeling this, the world is making you feel like it. It tells you to feel less than. Everything you are made to feel like you can’t do, you’re doing it, living through it. If at every success, you tell yourself you can’t do it, what voice are you listening to and why? Just put one step in front of the other, go to class, study, get your degree, get a job, do the work, get a promotion, do the work, get a different job. You’re going to hit roadblocks, things are going to go off the plan, but you’re going to do alright. And remember, for most of us, the world doesn’t just give us stuff. If you’ve reached the table, you and your whole truthful self belong there. Don’t be quiet, raise your hand, ask questions, share. Do it just for the practice of it, the habit of it.
On surviving and thriving: Doing it all alone is not a badge of honor. I have, what I call, a kitchen table. It’s your inner circle, a place you share with people you trust, a place where you’re completely honest and authentic. You cry, laugh, think, reflect, celebrate and mourn here. When you start doubting yourself, your kitchen table reminds you that you’re being a fool and that you’re not going to let the voice in your head get the better of you.
On proving yourself: If you approach everything you do with excellence, that’s your badge. That’s going to prove to the world that regardless of every bias, every assumption, it’s your consistent excellence that proves your worth. But before you get there, you gotta do some things, prove things, earn it, and kids like you aren’t where you are because you can’t do it.
On wanting to have an impact: Don’t skip the small and immediate for the big differences. Talk to your cousins, your grandma, your neighbors first. Get them to sit with you, listen to you, and share their perspective with you before you ask the whole world to do it. Practice creating small impacts regularly, and build up naturally towards a big difference.
Lastly, all the students on the panel. It’s wild to think that you just woke up one day and told Michelle Obama about the questions, concerns, and ideas you have as a student in 2021. Thank you for representing a wide range of us in not just demographic, but in the variety of thought, ambitions, and values. To be able to see how many students around the world are wondering the same things, dreaming of the same changes, and feeling the same fears made me feel connected to something larger than myself.
I did a thought exercise after the live stream wherein I asked myself what I would’ve said if I was on the student panel. Here’s a few ideas in the very plausible situation that Michelle Obama stumbles upon my article:
- You talked about not passing the bar exam in the live stream, as well as your book Becoming. Growing up as someone who derived a lot of self esteem from being good at learning and striving for that badge of excellence, how do you process failure? How do you make sense of it at the moment and redirect yourself?
- We’re all works in progress, Becoming something new and better all the time. How does one find satisfaction in being who you already are if one keeps setting new and better goals after accomplishing the old ones? When do you let yourself be happy with who you are, and still continue to grow?
- I’m a student of computer science and will be building a career in the tech industry. I’ve been wondering a lot about what kind of a technologist I want to be — what impact I want me and my work to have on the world. How do people in the highest positions of power in global governments think about humane, ethical and socially responsible technology?
